Needless to say, the first 2.5 days we did nothing but wake up, lay around on the beach, and go jet skiing, which is the damn sweetest thing ever.  I don't know how fast I was going, but I had the damn throttle pulled all the way back.  Booyah!!!  The water was warm and crystal clear, I mean really clear.  The view alone was so beautiful that one might not have noticed the numerous scantily-clad chicas en la playa.  Let me just say that some of the swimsuits there actually belonged on the women, unlike in the US where one is tempted to throw a wad of cash at some women just so they can buy some clothes to cover themselves.  After that, we went to El Yunque, which is the only rainforest in the United States forest system.  Needless to say, we rented a Ford Windstar minivan and drove like 10 miles up into the freakin' jungle on this perilous winding road. I wish we took pictures of it so you could see exactly how steep and overgrown it was.  I give massive credit to whoever built it, because it was almost always at a 90 degree incline.  Plus, construction workers are still trying to find an adequate enough road sign to properly convey to motorists exactly how sharp some of the curves on the road are.  Now that I think about it, the drive to the rainforest was an experience in itself.  

Ok, back to the real vacation.  After stopping at top of the mountain, we hiked about a mile into the jungle on this overgrown, ancient path that had seemingly been used ever since the days of the Spanish conquests.  Sadly, I was disappointed to learn that machetes would not be necessary for the hike, as the path ahead had been semi-cleared.  Surprisingly, we didn't see much besides a stray cat (how the hell did that get there?) and the occasional dragonfly.  After a good 15 minutes, we began to hear an odd, yet strangely familiar noise.  No, you pervs, it wasn't a jungle creature in heat.  But a WATERFALL, a honkin' WATERFALL in the middle of intense wilderness.  Ok, some other people were there too, but do we care about them??  Didn't think so.  Overcome with awe, I threw off my shirt, jumped into the falls, and was immediately turned into a tourist popsicle.  The water was surprisingly very cold, despite the intense heat and humidity of the jungle.  But none of that mattered to me, as I ran in with my jean shorts on and (literally) soaked in all the scenery.  On the way back, I remembered a quote by the great philanthropist Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Take the path less traveled" or something like that.  I then proceeded off the beaten trail and did some random exploring.  Ok, I didn't really have Emerson pop into my head, but I really did take the path less traveled.  Look at the pics!!!  See for yourself!!!!!!!!

The next day, we went to the Bacardi Rum factory, which took us 2 hours to find due to Puerto Rico not believing in updating their roadmaps past the year 1509 AD.  But once we got there, we stocked up on all the rum you could imagine, despite the fact that my parents wouldn't let me taste any of it.  Hey, maybe someday when we're 21 we can all have some!  Wowzers, yay!!!  Then the last day of our stay, we found this random shopping mall full of American products that had very un-American prices.  How else can I explain finding a brand-new size 14 basketball shoe for $29.99 (dare I mention, a shoe that costs $120 at our local shopping malls?)  For all of you hoodie-owners out there, get this:  upon leaving the mall, and after having spent all my money, I saw hoodies like the kind you see in Aeropostale or Pac Sun for about $20.  Yep, $20.  If you ever go to Puerto Rico, bring all the cash you can, because if you're looking for something, chances are you'll find it there and ridiculously cheap too.  Overall, if I had to summarize this whole huge-ass essay on "How I Spent The Best Spring Break Of My Life", I would say don't be a wimp and drive to Indiana or Wisconsin or Michigan. Go to Puerto Rico! It's a great vacation, and if you somehow don't like it, well you probably have a certain mental abnormality that has not yet been classified by science.