"BEAN VS THE COMANDY"
"You're gonna pay for that comment!!" Comandy says.
"What comment?" a curious Bean asks.
"You think you know???? You never know what hit 'em," an enraged Comandy blurts out.
"Do whater sthay!!!!!!" An unknown voice enters.
"Watson, what are you doing here?" a very curious Bean asks.
"Hahahahahahaha I'm not Watson!!!!!!!!!!! Ooooooooohhhhhhooooo hahahahaha!!!!!!"
to be continued . . . . .
"BEAN VS THE COMANDY, PART 2"
"If you're not Watson, then the Comandy can't be the Comandy
either," a very confused Bean says.
"You dare cheyla my authority of the legion???!!!" the chaotic Comandy yells. "I
shall blow you out of the sky with a thermal rocket implosion flame thrower!!!!!"
Suddenly, the mysterious guest's voice changes. "Comandy Reynolds, you are my arch
neeeeemeeesis."
The Comandy is stunned. "So it was you, you son of a bitch??? All I did was
ask you, 'Que programmas favoritos?' Did you have to blow my legs off???"
"That wasn't me," the mysterious guest retorts. "But you'll soon find out who it
was . . . . " With that, the mysterious guest vanishes. Bean, still very confused, asks "What does que programmas
favoritos mean?"
"You think you can think?????" cries the Comandy, losing his mind. "I shall
tear you off the wall and leave you out to dry until you are a walking pile of dry stuff!!!!!!" Bean is still all too
confused.
to be continued . . . . .
And now, the Legion of the Embassy presents:
"BEAN VS THE COMANDY, PART 3"
Bean looks around in despair, wondering why he is so confused and why no one will answer
his questions. "But wait!" he yells. "What about Watson? Where's Watson? Wait, I'm Watson!!!
I'm really Watson, I really am!!!"
Suddenly a man draped in a long brown robe resembling OBIWAN-KANOBE appears. "Use
the force Bean. You are not Watson, you must be a true Bean. It is the only way to keep from falling to the dark
side. I must go now. Use your wisdom to help the Comandy. Be a true Bean." With that, the mysterious
guest vanishes.
"Damn dammer!!!" the still enraged Comandy yells. "This is not friggin' Star Wars
you damn son of a bitch!"
Bean now decides he is on a mission to help the Comandy figure out who blew his legs off.
But now his confusion has turned into dizziness and he is near the edge of a cliff. Suddenly Watson emerges out of nowhere
to help save Bean from falling off the cliff.
"Pick up the chemical Bean!!!!" yells Watson. But just before Watson can get to him,
Bean slips and goes plunging into oblivion. "Bean no!!!" an astonished Watson screams. But Bean is gone.
"Ehh figut," Avis blurts out.
"What the die???" Watson yells. "How did you get here Travis???"
"I'm gonna blow you out of the sky like an elf, only taller and not an elf!!!!" says the
Comandy while taking out a thermal rocket implosion flame thrower. He then proceeds to torch Travis.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!" shouts Travis as he gets blown away.
Watson decides that there must be a way to save Bean. He goes on an epic mission.
First he grabs some Teddy Grahams and a flashlight for supplies and sets off in the mountains. "I must find Bean," Watson
says as he leaves on the expedition. But Watson cannot see the sniper in the trees just a few hundred yards away, aiming
for his head . . . . .
to be continued . . . . .
"BEAN VS THE COMANDY, PART 4"
Watson munched on his chocolate Teddy Grahams as he headed downward
towards the river. It was very conceivably possible that Bean had fallen into the river and survived the fall.
However, it was a slim chance. Watson whistled a happy tune as he walked. "BEAN BEAN BEAN, religion is the truth!
BEAN BEAN BEAN, don't chew with your left tooth!!!"
Meanwhile, back on the cliff, the Comandy was becoming quite bored. He picked up
a leaf, and began to taunt it.
"I saw you look at me like that," he yelled at the leaf. "I know you think it's funny
that I have no legs. You damn son of a bitch, I'll blow you out of the sky for that!!!" With that, the comandy
once again took out his thermal rocket implosion flame thrower and torched the leaf.
Watson made his way down the river and suddenly the unthinkable happened: he ran out of
teddy grahams. Watson looked up at the sky with anguish and asked the gods, "Why??? Why must it happen to me???
Bean is dead!! Oh nooooooo!!!" But suddenly a voice from above gave Watson new hope:
"Use the force Watson. You will find Bean!"
"What the die?" Watson retaliated. With that, the mysterious voice vanished but just
seconds later, a sniper shot rang out right past Watson's head, barely missing him. He quickly ducked behind a nearby
rock, only to find the Comandy running towards him.
"Ahhhh, watch out!!!" yelled Watson. Then it dawned on him that the Comandy could
not be running without legs, and suddenly he realized that the Comandy had a jet propulsion pack on his back and he was "flying".
The Comandy then proceeded to land nearby Watson.
"I'll blow that bitch outta the sky!!!!" he barked. "You must find Bean. Look,
use that path over there to the river. If you go that way, the sniper won't see you."
"You're about as drunk as an illiterate cow who's been unconcious in Finland for the last
twelve years, but it sounds like a good idea," replied Watson. He then made a run for it, only to hear another sniper
shot ring out. The Comandy appeared to have been hit, but Watson couldn't tell from his angle. He couldn't go
back, he had to find Bean . . . . .
to be continued . . . . .
"BEAN VS THE COMANDY, PART 5"
Watson headed down the river as the Comandy had instructed him.
He was scared and he almost shit his pants . . . so he decided to sing a happy song:
"All you niggas that said I turned pop - or the Firm flop -
- ya'll are the reasons Dre ain't been gettin no sleep -
so fuck y'all - all y'all
- if y'all don't like me, blow me -
- Y'all gonna keep fuckin around wit me -
- and turn me back into the old me -
- Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got somethin to say -
- but nothin comes out when they move they lips -
- justa buncha gibberish -
- And mothafuckers act like they forgot about Dre"
Suddenly Watson heard a scream of sickness . . . and it was no other than Bean himself,
dangling from a tree branch on the cliff. A pit of angry caterpillars lay below him waiting to kill him. Watson
decided that there was no way to get Bean without the Comandy's jetpack . . . so he decided to turn back around and find him
as quickly as possible. But just as soon as he did he turned to see a satanic dwarf standing before him.
"Well well well . . . ," said the dwarf, taunting Watson. Watson began throwing leaves
at the dwarf, but he seemed unaffected by it. The dwarf then uttered "Now Watson it is time for you to meet your death
. . . "
And suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared and from it emerged the strange man resembling
OBIWAN-KANOBE. "Use the force, Duke," he commanded.
"Who's Duke?" asked Watson.
With that, the man pulled out a purple and brown lightsaber and chopped off the dwarf's
head. And then he vanished leaving the lightsaber behind. Watson stood in amazement, but was brought back to reality
when Bean began throwing rocks at him from the cliff. Suddenly a glowing portal appeared and
out came Hakeem Olajuwon.
"I've been looking for this fucking thing for 13 years," he said with a strange African
accent as he picked up the light saber. "This is the symbol of freedom for the Okinawa-Yojimbo Purple and Brown Sox
baseball team." And like the last mysterious guest, he then vanished.
Now Watson heard the sound of a motor in the sky, and he looked up to see the Millenium
Falcon with Han Solo, Chewbacca, C3PO and R2D2 inside waving at Bean.
A rope came out of the ship with R2D2 trying to climb down and save Bean, when suddenly
it became apparent that R2D2 had no arms or hands, because he suddenly fell into the river to be dismantled by the angry caterpillars.
But now the rope had reached Bean, and he was able to climb into the ship. Watson
rejoiced, Bean was saved! Now there was one piece of unfinished business left: the Comandy.
Watson quickly ran up the hill to meet the Comandy, who had fallen after his jetpack had
ran out of fuel. Watson saw the body of the sniper next to him, and was stuuned to see it was actually P. Diddy, who
apparently had been easy to kill after he accidentaly jammed his sniper gun with a gold chain that he had worn around his
neck.
But the Comady had been hit . . . he was doomed to die.
"Just hold on, I may be slightly illiterate and I don't know left from right, but I know
a dead man when I see one," said Watson. The Comandy began to utter his final words:
"I'll kill you for that comment . . . you . . . son . . . of . . . a . . . bitch . .
. do you think you can . . . think???"
And with that he slowly died. Suddenly Watson was beamed onto the Millenium Falcon
by a weiner dog named Red. Watson was greeted with great welcome, and everyone rejoiced as they listened to "Schism"
by Tool. Everyone was happy except for C3P0 who was trying to assemble a puzzle as the lyrics of Tool continued to yell
"I know the pie-ces FIT! I know the pie-ces FIIITT!" C3P0 proceeded to spontaneously combust.
But the important thing was that Bean was safe, and the Comandy had the glory of one more
epic battle before he died. All was well in the Land of Booyahville once again.
>THE END<
